January
24/7 Mental Hygiene
When we are experiencing uncharacteristically high levels of stress, it’s hard to stop and regroup. But with some forethought and action, you can minimize the overwhelm that can accompany the holidays. You may even end up appreciating the holiday season more than you thought you would. Here are the 10 tips to consider:
1. Give yourself permission to 'be in YOUR feelings' - If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, or this you’re reminded of the dysfunction that is your loved ones, realize that it's okay to feel sadness and grief and express your feelings.
2. Connect with someone - If you feel lonely or isolated, seek our community, religious, or social events that can offer support and companionship. Do a 'welfare check' on friends who may appear to be isolating themselves.
3. Have realistic expectations - The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones.
4. Be #intentional - Be purposeful in your planning so that you don't waste time, money, or energy. When we make a conscious effort to plan, we are able to manage stress better and remain focused on what really matters during these festive times.
5. Don't BLOW your budget - Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness and love.
6. Saying 'NO' is saying 'YES' - Saying YES when you should be saying NO leaves you frustrated, resentful, and stressed! Practice different ways to say NO, and be ok with it. Saying NO to others is saying YES to yourself and the activities that you value.
7. Make time for self care - Don't neglect yourself. Set aside some time (no matter how much or little you have), free of distractions to de-stress, clear your mind, and restore your inner calm.
8. Do everything in moderation - In your spending, eating, and drinking, the holidays shouldn't be a free-for-all. Excess in anything can add to your stress and subsequent guilt.
9. Remember there's a time and place for everything - Just because it's an opportune time to connect doesn't mean that it's an ideal time for interventions. Save that for later. Accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to your expectations.
10. Reach out for professional help - If you find yourself persistently sad, anxious, unable to eat, sleep, or engage in your regular daily activities, don't hesitate to talk to your medical doctor or a mental health professional.
The Rules of Family Engagement
The time has come. You're there, on your way, or waiting for them to arrive...even if it’s on ZOOM. And although you look forward to this special time of connecting with those you haven't seen in a while, there are one or 'few' who 'bring the drama' right along with their greetings. What's your plan to deal with those 'special' family members? Or do you have one? Here are three tips to help you deal - right now and throughout the year:
1. SET FIRM BOUNDARIES: Decide what time you will go and what time you will leave. Rehearse possible family scenarios, and get a game plan in place to decide how you'll respond in each instance. Decide who you'll allow in your space and who you'll keep at bay. If necessary, take a break from everyone to collect your thoughts and speak your truths [even if it’s to yourself or a friend on the phone.
2. KEEP THE PEACE: Refuse to get roped into 'fixing family dysfunction'. Enjoy engaging in conversations that foster a less contentious environment.
3. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL: Remember, 'Hurt people...HURT PEOPLE.' It's not always about YOU. And you don't have to carry the load for them.
Intentional Stress Management
Life can be harder on some days than others. Although we don't have CONTROL over the stressors that it throws our way, we can be intentional about the way we respond to them. Our CHOICE to CHANGE the way we deal with stress starts with the FIVE A's:
1. ADAPT: Change yourself. Focus on the positive. Ask yourself if it will 'matter next month'.
2. ACCEPT: We can't prevent death of a loved one, illness, or bad weather. Acceptance is difficult, but a much healthier approach. Tap into learned lessons. Seek help from a good friend or therapist.
3. AVOID: Learn to say 'NO' and know your limits. Stay away from people who stress you out. Make a shorter to-do list.
4. ALTER: Manage your time better. Be more assertive. Never bottle up your feelings. Compromise
5. ADOPT: Make time for a healthier lifestyle. Get some sleep. Have fun and relaxation...EVERYDAY!
Source: Five A's = intentionalwellness.com
Travel is Fatal
Mark Twain penned, "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow mindedness." Upon reflection on his words, it's a reminder that we are all 'foreigners' in different environments at some point, foreign or domestic. We can log so many life lessons when we allow ourselves to be open to them.
Even if you can't take a traditional vacation right now, you can be purposeful about learning new places that you’ll go one day that transport you out of your familiar bubble. Make a list of cultures you've never explored in your local community and become a socially-distanced 'tourist'.
Regardless of how you structure your present and future explorations, remember that travel is the ultimate 'reset button' for our tired souls. Exposure is the best way to break down barriers. Work. Dream. Travel. Save. Repeat. Where will you ‘GO’ next?
