July
your ‘Covid-19 capsule’
“I am not excited about the world opening up again...I really don’t want to go out...I wanted to re-enter the world differently than I left it...covid was bad in so many ways, but it was too good also - is it bad that I think that?...I didn’t have to worry about going anywhere and doing anything that I didn’t want to...I’m not ready.” These are some of the statements I’ve been hearing about our impending emergence from the global pandemic, which [by now] we might be familiar with.
The funny thing is that our culture would have us think there is something wrong with trying to hold tightly to the stillness that lock down and quarantine afforded us. But for those of us who appreciated the gift of this time, that we may never have again, the reluctance to return to what was certainly not a ‘healthy’ normal...is completely valid and understandable.
How are you reappearing? I asked the ladies who I spoke with at the aforementioned conference what 10 things they would fill their ‘covid-19 time capsules’ with? Their answers ranged from keeping me time, quiet time, and quality family time, to better boundaries, masks, hand sanitizer, and 6 ft. of distance. What about you? How are you coming back? What are you saying ‘NO’ to? What are you saying ‘YES’ to? What new habits are filing your capsule? How will you stop going from thing, to thing, to thing...and not taking a moment to savor life?
Your ‘capsule’ can contain tangibles, intangibles, negotiables, and non-negotiables. Your item selection will require intention. Here’s to taking what matters most and leaving the rest behind!
on becoming a less reluctant presenter…
"Naomi won't be playing Wimbledon this year," the statement read. "She is taking some personal time with friends and family. She will be ready for the Olympics and is excited to play in front of her home fans...Osaka, 23, withdrew from the French Open before the second round in the wake of the controversy caused by her decision to skip mandatory post match news conferences at the tournament...She revealed that she had been dealing with anxiety and depression since bursting into the limelight by winning the US Open in 2018, the first of her four Grand Slam titles.” - espn.com
On the heels of Naomi Osaka’s decision to opt out, and the world’s focus on ALL of the dynamics that intersected and increased mental health awareness, I wanted to speak with my favorite speech coach, Dr. Yardan Shabazz*, about a related topic that we don’t often hear amplified - glossophobia. Glossophobia is the medical term for the fear of public speaking. And it affects as many as four out of 10 Americans. For those affected, speaking in front of a group can trigger feelings of discomfort and anxiety. And polls in recent years have revealed that people would much rather die than speak at their own funerals. So if you struggle with speaking publicly, you may benefit from some wisdom from our chat.
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Me: You've been coaching students and clients on how to be better orators now for over 25 years. What was your initial reaction to Naomi Osaka voicing her anxiety as it relates to public speaking?
Dr. Yardan Shabazz: Naomi Osaka is such a pioneer to voice her concerns. Public speaking is the most anxiety-inducing activity for 90% of Americans, and it is a very daunting task to be required to deliver presentations in front of reporters. Public speaking is difficult. Impromptu public speaking is harder than anything. Consider the way a pro athlete is required to deliver impromptu speeches in front of cameras and audiences of thousands.
Me: Roughly, what percentage of students who enroll in your classes suffer with glossophobia?
Dr. Yardan Shabazz: There are at least 3-5 students who are forced to enroll in Public Speaking each semester. Their parents "force" them to enroll because they want their children to "get over" their glossophobia. On the other hand, there should be a session of some sort where students are counseled on their anxiety prior to enrolling in Public Speaking.
Me: How do you work with your students and clients to help them face their fears?
Dr. Yardan Shabazz: A client recently told me, "I'm afraid of public speaking." I responded, "Why wouldn't you be?" We practice and we go through drills, but the most important part of our training is openly discussing what makes it so scary. This is why we often talk about why it's so scary to have people looking, critiquing, evaluating, and studying us when we take a stage. Public speaking trainers have a job that involves encouraging their clients to be transparent about insecurities.
Me: What's your favorite success story?
Dr. Yardan Shabazz: My favorite success story is a former NFL player who hired me to prepare him for a sports show. There was an open slot, and he wanted to stand out from the rest of his competitors. As a result of our training, he landed that spot and flourished.
Me: What are your top 5 tips for the reluctant presenter?
Dr. Yardan Shabazz:
a. The audience is more nervous than you. I know, right? It sounds unbelievable. It's true. An interactive speaker can take command of an audience and keep the crowd off balance and constantly guessing.
b. Never confuse speed with energy.
c. Speeding through a speech WILL help you "get it over with," but it is torture for the audience.
d. Everyone loves a story.
e. An audience of 5 is scarier to face than an audience of 500.
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*Dr. Yardan Shabazz has been an award-winning public speaking instructor for 25+ years. To date, he has coached a broad range of speakers - from student athletes, to corporate professionals and athletes you may have seen on your screen. He has an interesting story about the path that led him to an academic sport for which he is passionate. You can find out more about his craft, methods, get tips, and learn about personal training @dr.shabazz or https://www.goresearchme.net/pro-associates Thanks for your time and expertise, honey! Let’s continue to keep feeling the fear and choosing to do it scared anyway.
10 things NOT to do on the road trip to justice
We’re all on a journey. We’re headed in the same direction. Our final destination, to which we may never see an arrival, is racial justice.
Even though we’re on the same journey, we’re all starting from different locations. And on a figurative 8-lane highway, we’re all traveling at different speeds. Some are in the fastest lane, some in the middle - going at a more moderate pace, while others hang back in the slower lane, cautious for those who are entering and exiting the rest stop. A few are literally broken down on the shoulder with a flat tire, or waiting for roadside assistance with hazard lights flashing. Sadly an overwhelmingly high number are unfortunately looking for the break on the left side of the highway, reserved only for emergency vehicle u-turns...examining the risk involved in making a quick exit from their commitment.
And true to our metaphor of a journey, I’d like to offer 10 things NOT to do on the road trip to justice…
Don’t choose the wrong travel buddy - You need to have supportive folks in place who are willing to share their emotions with you, strategies that are working for them, disappointments and hopes, challenge you...but also give you space to think and reflect.
Don’t underestimate your budget - This work comes at a high cost. You will lose friends, and family relationships as you knew them. Decide how much it is worth for you to be able to authentically stand in your truth, and budget realistically.
Don’t drive a crappy car - In order to sustain momentum, you truly need to tend to your mental and physical needs. Don’t be lulled into outrage fatigue, know your limits re: how much sensory information you can take in, and then check in frequently to gauge your levels.
Don’t rely on a single GPS - There are so many ways to engage in this work. Perhaps the one way you were shown is not the route that interests you anymore. It’s perfectly alright to use an alternate direction along your travels.
Don’t stay on the highway - closely related to #4, explore different paths for which you can do this work. There is beauty in expanding and extending your trip and networks. Less predictability and more imagination keeps you growing and expanding.
Don’t plan every little detail - Because the goal is to create new ways of seeing and appreciating the people of color in this world. Trying to plan will box you in, keep you referencing failed systems, and missing the beauty in difference.
Don’t forget to check the weather - From time to time, it’s okay to circle back to close friends and family who have become more distant due to your lack of alignment. Get a feel for their temperature, but never allow them to be your thermostat if they’re not traveling in the same direction. And further, be aware of the changes in altitude and elements you’ll have to maneuver.
Don’t forget a roadside kit - This is a customized box which contains knowledge of your strengths, limitations, superpower, values, goals, roadmaps [learnings], and a theme song that keeps you going in your fight for justice [which we’ll wrap with...so be thinking]
Don’t drive tired - We can’t emphasize the need for rest ENOUGH. There will be times when you need to pull off at that rest stop and take a break, close your eyes, protect your peace. But that’s okay, because just like a relay, someone else will be entering the highway to continue this very important mission.
Don’t run out of gas - there will be days when you are too tired to take action, but remember that you’re stopping to refuel, not to quit.
No matter where we are, ‘foot on the gas’ always remains the goal. Which lane are you in right now? Are you being honest with yourself? Stay posted for more of these types of tools and additional opportunities to add to your abolitionist toolkits and support your journey. Say less. Do more. Love abundantly. It’s intentional.
