‘Two-Marshmallow Adult’
We’re taught as children to ‘wait our turn’. And it’s never too late to be more purposeful about putting those social skills (from our childhood) into practice as adults, especially right now while we’re all in a collective holding pattern. It’s never too late to become a ‘2-Marshmallow Adult’.
Beginning in the 1960s, psychologist Walter Mischel conducted the Stanford University Marshmallow Experiment. In this experiment, 4-year-olds were offered one marshmallow immediately, or the opportunity to get two if they could wait about 25 minutes for the researcher to return to the room.
Years later, the researchers discovered that those who had been able to delay gratification in favor of the superior reward (those 2 marshmallows) had grown up to be more patient adults. They were also found to have higher SAT scores, lower BMIs, and slightly lower divorce rates…all of this from a marshmallow test!
Patience is the ability to tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming anxious or annoyed. Easier. Said. Than. Done.
Being patient can be really difficult…but being patient can also be a form of ACTION and POWER!
Three (3) practical ways to cultivate this virtue of patience in your personal and professional lives are to:
STOP COMPARING - Too often, our initial reaction, when we’re tasked with tolerating delays, problems, or suffering is to look at the lives of others.
At your 9-5, you might be angry because your colleague, who holds the same position, received that promotion.
After receiving a medical report that may require you to be sidelined for a while, you may ask, “Why me?!”
And even as an early entrepreneur, it can be tempting to focus on why others, who started their businesses at the same time as you, have more followers, engagement, better strategy and traction.
But we have to remember never to compare our path to someone else’s path, or compare our chapter 1 to their chapter 21. Comparison is TRULY the thief of joy.
2. SHIFTING FOCUS - Patience is not only the ability to wait, but the ability to have a reasonably good attitude while you’re waiting.” You can do this by taking a breath and asking what you can learn:
Taking a breath – slowing down and breathing helps you to take a step back, stop complaining, and be an objectively keen observer of your behavior, allowing you to ‘check yourself’ if you’re a little unreasonable in your reactions. It reminds you to control your emotions instead of letting them control you. Seeking to be ‘present’ helps you to appreciate your situation and the opportunities that may be hidden in the distractions and minor inconveniences.
Asking what you can learn – what’s the bigger picture, the larger lesson, or the person who may need help?
Sometimes it’s not about YOU, but how YOU are in the perfect position to stop and perform a kind gesture or show compassion for others along the way.
3. BEING O-KAY - You can do this by letting go and trusting the timing:
Letting go - Releasing control of a situation that is outside of your control can often be the best way to have peace while you wait. We often want something to happen the way we had it mapped out so badly that we ruin it before it happens by overthinking, stressing, and doubting, instead of just trusting the process.
Trusting the timing - “Patience is a form of wisdom. It demonstrates that we understand and accept the fact that things must unfold in their own time.”
Years ago, I heard a speaker give a talk titled, “I hate to wait!” He pointed out three reasons WHY waiting can be a good thing for us:
We’re not ready for the opportunity that is ours to come
Our opportunity isn’t ready for us; and
We’re possibly being spared from something that could be detrimental to us.
You may not always end up where you thought you’d be, but you will always end up where you are meant to be. Be okay…with Plan B.
Even though the findings of that original Marshmallow test have since been debunked, they were important because they proved that people who are more patient are more likable, happier, and easier to live with.
We’re taught as children to ‘wait our turn’. And it’s never too late to be more purposeful about putting those social skills (from our childhood) into practice as adults. It’s never too late to be a ‘2-Marshmallow Adult’.
Patience enables us to work collaboratively, have better relationships with others, and move toward our personal goals in a healthier way.
Let’s all be more #intentional about mastering self-control, embracing the unknown (which can be scary and exciting at the same time), and trusting that it’s going to be better than what we could’ve imagined…in DUE time!
