COVID-19 and the Russian Doll Effect
“Hey, my aunt in NYC just died from COVID. We thought she was improving but she didn’t make it. Just keep her family in prayer, as they are trying to figure out what to do while waiting outside of the hospital.”
This was a group text I received this week.
Texts like this will be sent too many times before ‘this is over’. It’s hitting close to home. And we can already count the number of people we know who have been affected by loss...on more than one hand. Just like the Matryoshka/Babushka doll, we’re all being forced to peel back layers of issues and emotions, nestled within each other, that are waaay outside of our norm.
All of us are experiencing these times differently. Some of us have more ‘dolls’ (in our set) to deal with than others. But three ‘dolls’ with which most of us will identify are...loss of routine, loss of safety and security, and actual loss of life.
The first doll, loss of routine, is inconvenient. You know...the homeschooling chronicles, zoom security issues, social loafing coworkers, learning how to do all the things beauty and self-care...yourself, depleted grocery store shelves, micromanaging supervisors, aborted milestone events, being stuck in the house with people who you were normally able to escape, basically - everything cancelled, etc. If you’re reading this, in a warm or cool living space, with the ability to breathe unassisted, then you’re blessed. But these shifts are still uncomfortable - some days more than others. It’s not uncommon to hear, “It’s a new normal...nothing is the same...and we’ll never be the same again,” when scrolling social media. These quotes and quips are often comforting, or mildly triggering. This space is prime for all of the tips, tools, and tricks available for making lemonade out of lemons. It’s where we can thrive, share, and contribute - literally being the change we want to see in the world.
The second doll, loss of safety and security, taps into our fear, anxiety, and certainty of uncertainty. It’s where the ebbs and flows of our emotions come from daily. It’s the place where we’re forced to assess our resources, make sure that we have enough, and struggle to leave some for others in need. Our fight-or-flight response is like the display and brightness setting on our phones, set to ‘Never’ and needing to be switched to a lower auto-lock interval. The fine line between grace, trust, instinct, and reactivity is tested here. Vulnerability, humility, desperation, and ‘doing what we gotta do’ are the hallmarks. Once out of survival mode, we are able to pivot, plan, and anticipate the path going forward with a little more strength and grit.
The third doll, actual loss of life, is no longer characterized by a homegoing, celebration, or sacred tradition that we’ve become accustomed to. It is different, distant, and detached. It is the desire to forego all logic, reasoning, and caution to have a normal last ‘goodbye’. It is an attempt at comfort and closure, void of closeness. Technology helps, but isn’t an actual salve for the aching hearts that yearn for physical connection. Rules re:social distancing, restrictions, bans, logistics, and limits take their toll on all involved in the grieving process. Together - apart - is the way that we are forced to mourn. And survivor’s guilt can be a visitor that overstays its welcome. But choosing to not allow this pandemic to kill the joyful memories and what is left living can often be a solace in this time of sadness. Sharing stories, trading pictures, sending cards, lending an ear, remaining present, and providing resources, can be a small step in lightening the load and using our words to inject hope for happier times ahead.
What ‘dolls’ are you dealing with right now? How many can you add to this list? How do you define each one? What are you doing to address all the layers of issues and emotions that they represent in your life? In your pursuit of holding it all together, this is a reminder that your ‘doll collection’ is unlike anyone else’s, and there’s no right or wrong or wrong way to do it. You get to decide which pieces get the most attention - one day at a time. The only requirement is that you keep going. Where will you start?
