What aren’t we saying?
We’re talking a lot. We’re having tough conversations. We’re getting uncomfortable and exploring things we never have, especially together. But what aren’t we saying?
I recently spoke with a friend who said that we need to be talking more about racism as a mental construct, and the psychological and emotional effects on it’s victims. Another suggested that Black people are doing too much hand-holding, and need to be more direct when White people ‘mess up’. Other topics we should be talking more about are:
Code switching for Black people in the racist workplace
Interpersonal relationships among Black women
Colorism within the Black community
The stigma around seeking therapy as a Black person
What happens when White people are actually faced with making a sacrifice at work
Why some White people don’t have the capacity to have anti-racism conversations
Interracial relationships and how the current events are reshaping them
Our altered interactions with the racists in our circles
White silencing of Black voices
Black bodies and exercising while Black
Black on Black misogyny
Gaslighting of BIPOC
Underrepresentation in all areas
Racist educators and their lasting impact
Homophobia in the Black church and community
White racist gay males and the ties to slavery
Objectification of the black woman and it’s origins
Hip-hop as a window into our lived experiences
Discrimination in the art world
Black people in film and theatre
Reparations for Black people
“It’s hard to swim in shallow waters.” - unknown
I’m sure that you could add to this list. In fact, it’s my hope that these topics are a catalyst for more ‘beneath-the-surface-conversations’. But before you do anymore talking, look within first and understand what the subtext (what’s not being said) is about by:
Examining your fears
Checking your privilege
Identifying your biases
Assessing your blind spots
Identifying your core beliefs
Remembering your history
Knowing your triggers
Being honest about your prejudices
Asking yourself if you’re being judgmental
Recognizing who helped to shape your worldview
Observing why you might be emotionally-charged
Taking note of how much talking/listening you’re doing
Committing to your POV, but letting go of the need to be right
If you like hearing yourself talk, more than listening, these conversations will be hard for you. If you neglect to inject your humanity, then they barely touch below the surface. We learn so much by doing the internal work before showing up to the dialogue. Your personality, lived experiences, shared experiences, and worldview have everything to do with how successful these exchanges can be. And remember, success is not measured by agreement, but by both parties choosing to share and receive ideas in a respectful, non-defensive, and non-judgmental way. Grace is extended for do-overs as well.
